Episode 11: Chaplaincy with Children and Young People – Presence, Play and Boundaries

What does chaplaincy look like when your context is a children’s ward, a school corridor or a secure training centre – and your conversation partners are toddlers, teens and everyone who cares for them?

The team explore what’s distinctive about chaplaincy with children and young people: consent and competence, spiritual play and creative resources, humour and “spiritual loitering”, and the deep work of affirming each young person’s worth when life is chaotic or painful.

From kites, cards and Kintsugi hearts to lunchtime clubs and baptisms in a healthcare bath, the conversation traces how chaplains listen, notice, set boundaries and hold hope – lifting and soothing spirits without pretending to “fix” everything.

• What’s distinctive about chaplaincy with children and young people?
  The panel begin with context and consent: premature babies on neonatal units, school pupils from age two to eighteen, and teenagers in custody all raise questions about who chaplains are primarily there for, how consent works, and what it means to minister when development and change are “normal”, not exceptional.
• Identity, growth and using the time
  Phil reflects on working with teenagers who are away from home, peers and social media, likening their time in custody to Jesus in the wilderness. Chaplaincy helps them ask, “Who am I here – and who do I want to be when I leave?” rather than simply “doing the time.”
• Earning the right to do developmental work
  Picking up Bob’s question about being a “guest” in other people’s spaces, the guests talk about building trust through presence, play and story – using the Road to Emmaus as a model for starting with the young person’s experience before offering scripture, prayer or reflection.
• Spiritual play, deep talk and asset-based approaches
  Paul describes “spiritual play” on children’s wards – bags of activities spread out so patients can choose what to engage with – alongside tools like question cards for adolescents and creative exercises where young people name the spiritual resources they already have and those they’d like to grow. Rather than starting with deficits, chaplains work from an asset-based approach.
• Expressing spirituality in school and in custody
  Catherine shares a spectrum from whole-college cathedral services and weekly assemblies to “Chilling with a Chaplain” at lunchtime, interactive prayer stations and peace vigils after major events. Phil describes a wildly varied day in the secure estate: anointing, supporting staff, making space for young people to pray in their own language, talking with the kitchen about Ramadan meals, card games with those refusing education, and even baptisms in the healthcare bath.
• Listening, noticing and ‘multi-sensory’ presence
  Bob contrasts chaplains’ “listening to understand” with more directive religious roles, while Paul talks about “multi-sensory listening” – paying attention not just to words but to tone, body language and environment. Together they connect this to affirming dignity: communicating “I see you, you matter” in ways that go beyond speech.
• From ‘meaning-making’ to meaningful moments
  Drawing on children’s spirituality research and bereavement work, Paul explains why his team shifted from talking about “meaning making” (which can feel like a demand) to “moments of meaning” and “meaningful moments”. The aim is to lift and soothe spirits, not to insist that children or parents find a neat reason for their suffering.
• Humour, friendship and boundaries
  Catherine, Phil and Paul all highlight the need for a robust sense of humour and the delicate distinction between being a friend and being their friend. They unpack how chaplains can be warm, playful and approachable while still holding clear professional boundaries – especially with very vulnerable young people and “frequent flyers” who return to services over many years.
• Attachment, non-anxious presence and self-care
  The conversation turns to attachment theory, non-anxious presence and the emotional cost of this work. Paul talks about “befriending grief” and repeating the mantra “self-care is not selfish”, while Phil and Catherine emphasise supervision, team support and honest reflection to stop rescuing dynamics and over-attachment from taking root.
• Future links in the chaplaincy chain
  As the episode closes, Mark and Paul suggest future conversations around chaplaincy and well-being (especially when chaplains don’t see themselves as “fixers”), professionalism, and what a truly multidisciplinary language of assessment, intervention and care planning might look like in chaplaincy.

“These people are not here for my service.”
— Paul Nash

“Treating every single individual as if they are uniquely, wonderfully and fearfully made… is key.”
— Phil Wall

“Sometimes what I think is often the case in the custodial sector, the spirituality and the religious faith of the teenagers here is often a lot more explicit than a lot of teenagers outside this sector.”
— Phil Wall

“We lift and soothe spirits.”
— Paul Nash

“Our job and our privilege is to say, or to communicate to each child that you are seen and known and loved.”
— Phil Wall

“So a sense of humour is key.”
— Catherine 

“We aren’t defined by the worst thing that we’ve ever done, but we’re defined by the fact we’re made in God’s image.”
— Phil Wall

“Self-care is not selfish.”
— Paul Nash

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